Alter-Me Go

We walk these same dark streets alone

Illusion speaks to ones unknown

Perplexed with fear drives crossbone eyes

To overlook a clear blue sky

We hold each end of braided rope

A tug of war to which envokes

A pull towards a peaceful mind

Forfeit an uninspired bind

We speak in sync a twisted tongue

Deep breaths of carbon fill our lungs

These walls left black and charred with dust

Through dirt and filth that covers us

A pure, unseen diversity

Washed clean our dreams in open sea

Our prominence to will of word

A dominance one side unheard

We are but one and one are we

Ripped in half so forcefully

Two sided, is it friend or foe?

Two halves divided. We'll never know

Footsteps Leading Nowhere

An ever changing world spins 'round

Rotation at a steady speed

Each footstep followed. Forward bound

An unknown path to which they lead

To stop for just a moments time

Look down at worn out soles

A glimpse of life you can't rewind

A timeless view unfolds

Your body still and motionless

Each scent aware and heightened

Instead of feeling powerless

No longer feeling frightened

Appreciating all that is

For it is all we have

A moment gone you can't relive

Unreachable to grab

Your feet you follow, step by step

To get to where your going

Obstructs your view to what is left

To what keeps you from knowing

The narrow path you travel towards

A future of existence 

Is just a made up self reward

To a never ending distance

For now is all we ever feel

Though past and future dangles

The present time is truly real

Don't let shoelaces tangle 

Everything Happens For a Reason

Everything happens for a reason. I've heard this saying countless times and it's still hard to fathom the thought. Through every situation comes reason. The well thought out question, why. Why do things happen? What is the main cause in which bad and or good things happen? Do we as individuals view these situations in a negative sense or do we view them in a positive light? And in doing so, does this cause an obscured view, steering away from the main focal point? 
    To question a cause for reaction is quite common and in doing so, can be an open invitation for doubt. Instead of allowing nature to take its course, we create the "what if" factor. One in which we are accustomed to portraying. What if I had done this differently? Or, "what if I had said this instead?" It is our curiosity to question reason, but in fact can envoke a cloudy mindset. Though we'd like to believe our conscience actions play a major role in each occurrence, it is only but a small part to contribute. But also one can relate conscience desires for a positive outcome to whats called, "Law of Attraction," which simply says that you attract into your life whatever you think about. That your dominant thoughts will find a way to manifest. This inference can be related but in a different sense.
     I view the reasons that cause an outcome to be simply out of our hands. We can relate the cause to acts leading up to conclusion using hypothesis based notions but the main reason will never be made clear. We are affected differently through our thought process by how each situation is played out.
     A negative outcome to a situation, in most cases causes a negative reaction. One in which makes the cause of events purely dissatisfying to ones self. Where is the light at the end of this never ending, dark tunnel? A question made so intangible to reason leaving paralyzing doubt left undiscovered. 
     For example, your best friend was involved in a head on collision traffic accident resulting in his or her life to be cut short. This leaving you in a state of utter shock and confusion as to why this has happened. A feeling so reprehensible that you begin to ask yourself the "what if's." What if he or she decided to take a different route? If you had called him or her at the time of travel, causing a distraction resulting in a delay in reaching the destination, would this not have happened? But the pressing question in which almost always flashes first in our mind is, why did this happen? What was the reason for it? And we will never receive the reason no matter how compelling the argument. It is simply and completely out of our hands.
     Aside from the negative comes the positive side of an occurrence. This outcome almost always receives a positive reaction seeing as how this kind of conclusion makes it impervious to negativity. For it seems to work in your favor and/or another's. A "what if" conjecture is definately relevant for question but you seem to lean more towards wondering in how this came about. Bringing back the interpretation of "Law of Attraction" and how it might play a part in the matter. Could it be an, "ask and you shall receive" kind of thing? It could very well be inferential to such events. 
     For example, your car has been having quite the array of issues these days. As the saying goes, "if it's not one thing, it's always another." For all things holy, at least the radio is functioning normally! (knock on wood) On your way to work one morning, listening to your favorite radio station as you always do, they announce your chance to win various prizes if you are the ninth caller! After countless times of this announcement always causing an annoyance to you, following the demand for the next song to be played, you think, what the hell? and decide to dial in. Not thinking twice about anyone actually answering the phone, sure enough! they do. And you happen to be the ninth caller. If that wasn't enough, the prize to win just so happens to be a brand new car! In complete astonishment, you nearly run yours right off the road. Seeing as how it's a piece of junk anyway and totaling the thing wouldn't make much of a difference from it's original appearance, you might want to be in good condition to be capable of driving the upgrade. 
    This example might be a bit brighter on the color spectrum than most positive occurrences but it paints quite a colorful picture pertaining to a good conclusion. You feel as though fate stepped in right in the knick of time seeing as how your car lacked there of. A wonder in how such luck became so incognito. A reason in which will never be fully understood for the simple fact that no premeditated thought or excogitated action you display will determine winning the lottery. 
     There is always an underlining meaning to which specific reasoning is the cause to each occurrence. We will always give way to our minds natural curiosity. Everyone is entitled to seek opinions, analyze credibility, leave an answer up to chance and/or keep a habitual stance on true beliefs. There is no right or wrong way of thinking. There is no limitations or ending point in which the imagination reaches before it can go no further. But bear in mind, there is always reasons in which have been made impossible for explanation. And a reason, though never quite fully understood, is always behind everything. 


     

Flatline

One beat. Two Beat. Three Beat. Four.

Each louder than the one before.

Five beat. Six beat. Seven beat. Eight

Such a calm and collective state

Nine beat to ten and ten to eleven.

Floating on clouds lifting straight up to heaven

Eleven beat. Twelve beat and twelve to thirteen

The air left so fresh and abundantly clean

Thirteen comes and goes in which the next never follows

Making the inhale of clean air now painful to swallow

From the cloud you are sitting quickly vanished beneath you

Away from your heaven. Far from all that you knew

Leaves you shaking and shattered

Thoughts collected, now scattered

Eight count. Seven count. Six count Five.

Your heart they are trying so hard to revive

Four count. Three count. Two count. One

They did all they could.  And no more could be done

A happiness felt only for a short time

Until broken your heart beats no more

You've flat lined.

♥

Uncover to Discover a Brilliant Mind

A brilliant mind is hard to find

A million faces it hides behind

Sincerity with every gesture

A conscience thought to never pester

Finds life itself a pleasant enjoyment

Intuitive thoughts. A view so clairvoyant 

Effortless to show emotion

But encloses itself in aberration

Breaks down a clear and simple truth 

Believing fully in our youth

Well-related and understanding

Never boastful or overbearing

Yes, a brilliant mind is quite hard to find

Though millions of faces it hides behind

Each uncovers a quality that pertains to it's brilliance

Each contributes an importance to it's very existence 

Wish Upon A Star

Throughout a vast and violet sky

Beyond each cloud that passes by

Are scattered stars, each one unique

Illumination at its peak

Though millions fill the open space

This sparkled speck stands out of place

A trillion miles away it sits

Creation so imacculate

Prefer the sun to disappear

To make this lucky star appear

Untouchable and out of reach

But you starshine, your mine to keep

A wonder if we're similar

In how introduction did occur

Were you just floating in the sky?

Gazing upon each watchful eye

Though millions filled the earth below

One pair of eyes just seemed to glow

And when the sun begins to rise

The easier to find those eyes

And so I'm yours. I'm your sunshine

I'm yours to keep. Was yours to find

As opposite as day and night

Both needed for a clearer sight

So every time I see this star

I'll always remember how special you are

And maybe, just maybe considering this

You feel just the same 

For a stars made to wish

She's Ready For You Boy

Her guard is up. She's ready to sock you boy
Her door is shut. She's ready to block you boy


A translucent color reflects your skin
Don't try to hide what your coverin'


A fabrication told so well
Your balance lost and down you fell

Her guard is up. She's ready to block you boy

Her door is shut. She's ready to sock you boy

A directive act of dominance
An overwhelming confidence


But speculations put to rest
A shallow heart. She should have guessed

Her guard is up. She's ready to block you boy

Her door is shut. She's ready to sock you boy

It's easy to believe a lie

But hard to uncover the reasons why

Her heart knew better than to reason

With dissimulators guilty of treason

Your chances are up. She's ready to trump you boy

Your mouth is left shut. She's ready to dump you boy

It's Never Too Early or Too Late to Wake Up to Something Great

Only in dreams do I feel at peace. A simple sense of realization made so clear and refined. A fantasy in which each wrong turned to right. Each forgotten thought remembered. A time where yesterday was great but tomorrow will be even greater. Yes, only in my slumber am I free behind these shut eyes. Free of mind, body and soul. But every dream shall be awakened. . .

The booming screams of high pitched beeps, continuously repeating one after the other echoed through my room. My moment of serenity came to an abrupt end as each beep became more clear and defined. My hands grasped the top of my head, easing slight pressure onto my temples in hopes to relieve the start of a headache about to creep its way in.

Just for the record, I am not a morning person. You won't catch me up at the crack of dawn, well rested and ready to start the day with a happy ass grin on my face. It's as if these early risers thrive on each extra hour they lose on sleep. Myself on the other hand, takes full advantage of all the minutes that make up each extra hour of sleep I can get away with. But yet, I'm never fully satisfied with the amount acquired. And a smile is anything but my first emotional impulse after being zonked out for hours. It's more like a confused cave woman to whom suffers from sensitivity to light and sound.

I rose slowly, as if asleep the past daylight hours in this coffin-like bed with a hunger for blood. Or maybe just a very large, very strong cup of coffee. I stumbled towards the still blaring alarm clock to silence the damn thing. Staring at the time long enough to realize I might have been a little too slow in getting up, having to give this one to the early birds who have punctuality on their side.

I made my way across the hall and straight to the kitchen to feed this hungry beast, my growling stomach.  As I grab for the handle to the refrigerator, hoping that maybe a secret shopper stopped in for a visit late last night. Having secretly stocked the fridge with delicious breakfast delights. Each one just waiting to be devoured, only to find expired milk and a bag of tortillas to be the only contents inside.

I am now in a desperate search for any form of energy to rejuvenate my sleepwalking body. My frantic search comes to a satisfying end as I discover the big red tub with the black lid. Though turned around with it's label hidden, I knew. . .and began to sing out loud, and to all those early risers....The best part of waking up really is Folgers in your cup.

. . . .

He was right there the whole time. As if hidden underneath each well sought after hopeful. Sifting through one after the other after another. Imagining perfect tranquiltiy only to find complete and utter failure in each attempt I had made to find love.What was seen as true love only disguised itself as lying lust. Comfortability eased it's way into each relationship. The butterflies that fluttered about inside my stomach seemed to have found themselves sitting comfortably, without movement. I wanted to believe each relationship had the means in which to create a future. Telling myself I was comfortable enough to cope with the fact that these butterflies that once ran rapid throughout my stomach, creating a feeling so effervescent, so vivacious. A feeling I had  felt once upon a time, had now seized to exist, only believed true in fairytales. I made up excuses that I now recognize as a fear of being alone. Therefore, I hold myself accountable for any anguish or heartache I experienced. I was the cause of this affliction. I started to believe that there must be something wrong with me. I tried bringing to order the disarray of thoughts that cluttered my head. Trying to eradicate each flaw I posessed in hopes to succeed in a healthy relationship. Belittling myself down so low that true love seemed out of reach, making it impossible to see over the obsticles that had been placed before me. It seemed impossible to find my way out of this labrynth.

It took a great amount of time to emphasize the fact that yeah, I'm not perfect. I may act as though I'm this lovestruck teenager who's let her emotions take over, causing normal behavioral instinct to become unconventional and irrational. But who hasn't interpreted this behavior at least once in their life? This was my rude awakening. As if in a comma this whole time, unconscience to reality. Awakened from a reprehensibly bad year to find the day was January 1st, 2010. The day I realized the counterpart to my heart and soul was here all along.

Have you ever felt an attraction to someone so peculiar and eccentric that it causes you to become completely oblivious to it's meaning? Though, you've had nowhere near the amount of time spent with that person as you have with past boyfriends/girlfriends, you feel as though you can say anything knowing it's safe and secured in their mind and that they will sustain that information for as long as you wish it to be discoursed. Being able to reveal an opinion or inclination about an issue without the fear of being judged.  Recieving recognition for your abilities that, for the most part had been overlooked by most. A feeling as though you administer the same compassionate qualities. Having experienced similar hardships and persecution with relation to family, friends and the overall perception of today's society that we live in. One who shows a deeper compassion for those they care about just as you do. .I found just that in a guy who I had known for years, only to discover I had no idea who he was on the inside. From just an eccentric attraction felt only upon appearance, I discovered that love isn't hard to find, it is just hard to recognize. So look beyond an exterior. You'll find there's more that catches your eye.

Heart for a Heart

A light illuminates this darkened place that I have made my home

It casts away the haunting shadows refusing to leave me alone

A fire lit inside my soul to melt the frozen ice

That seemed to spread throughout my veins. A warming sacrifice

A calming voice that whispers the encouragement to conquor fear

A helping hand to guide me closer to a future made unclear

A shield held high above my head to block the pain thats aimed at me

A haven safe, away from harm provides me with security

A sleeve thats always there to catch and whipe each tear thats fallen

Both arms held open wide provide a shoulder in which to cry on

Of all the things you've given me, the most important stands apart

Through trust, equality, embracing intolerably

You've given me your heart ♥

Finding Failure to Catch Closure

I thought I had it all. I thought my life had fallen into such perfection that'd it would be literally impossible to think otherwise. I realized its not the friends you have or the boyfriend you're with that create a happy life. Though, added perks such as a good job or living on your own can pertain to the feeling of happiness, it isn't the reason for it. For a moment in my life I thought that it did. I had the boyfriend. The amazing friends, one in which I shared the independent attribute of living on my own with and a good, stable job.

As time progressed, I started overthinking my amazing life. Feelings of doubt and regret seemed to have crept inside my head and set up camp. Through extensive partying and experimenting with different substances, my world flipped upside down. Unable to recognize the important aspects my life consisted of, I discovered ways to self destruct. In a matter of months, I had managed to poison all that was once good. Lost trust and a shattered hearts were left after the dust had settled. I was at an altime low. My once stable life crashed into such instability making it impossible to see how great it once had been. Or was it even that great to begin with?

Was I as happy as I claimed to be? Or did I discover truths hidden in each lie. I had reached the bottom of a very full life. Barely running on empty far enough to make it through each passing day. Unread texts, missed calls, unheard voicemails and non responsive emails made the world seem so quite. Isolation will do that. Who knew that being alone would be the answer I needed to my well thought out question I kept asking myself over and over again. Who knew finding failure allowed you to catch closure.

In order for me to face reality, I needed to look misery directly in the eye and understand what it was that brought me there. I realize now that it isn't the friends you have or the boyfriend your with that make you who you are. In order to relate a loved one to play a part in your happiness, you need to find comfortability in yourself and accept who you are as an individual. Each obsticle you encounter shouldn't counteract your ability to understand and resolve each one you come across. Through fear of self acceptance, you put on an act to fit in. One in which to become likeable. Your deception upon perception. Doing so can cause you to be unable to recongnize who you are in the inside, the person you aspire to be for yourself and no one else. Your to use god's given talents upon ability to create success and contentment. In order to believe in yourself, you must believe in failure. Believe that when you set aside everyone else, it makes it easier to point out closure. You just need the courage to do so. In my situation, I unknowingly set aside those attributes. Rather pushed them away but in doing so, it made me realize who I am, who I aim to be and who I wish to become.

Loree Lee

This story that I’m telling you, is about a girls stupidity. Simplicity at first until her life soon led to tragedy. Oh did I skip too far ahead from what I’ve said already. Silly me, My apologies. Her name was Loree Lee. This girl was something special. Not to say she needed help. But she had much potential. A little shy. Afraid to lie. Her words were left unspoken. The time it took to notice her, your watch must then be broken. Nobody asked her out on dates. No one relates to a girl so pure of heart. A heart not torn apart by love but the journey it embarqs. Though plain, her beauty shined within. Her olive skin. Big hazel eyes that deepened always remained the same. No shadows, liners, eyelash definers could ever place the blame. See, Loree Lee was plain indeed, but far from ordinary. Never succumbed to wicked ones. A heavy soul she carried.



A handsome boy, about six foot with eyes that filled with passion, showed interest in Ms. Loree Lee. An obvious attraction. Confused at this, despite the risk she answered his polite gesture. He grabbed her hand, he had a plan that soon will really test her. In awe, she can’t believe this guy who’s showed an interest she wont deny that fate brought her and him to meet. She believes this cannot be beat.


He stops his charm, to her alarm he’s gotten pretty quiet. Been walking on for hours now, his presence seems defiant. The grip he has now starts to tighten, no room to move she’s getting frightened. She tugs her arm to be set free. But he’s clenching on to Loree Lee. She thinks she’ll try to scream real loud. Her yell cut short as he covers her mouth. She’s panicking now as she tries to stop walking. But his strength overpowers her fists he is blocking. Alone in the woods she’s left helpless. Surrendered. Nobody to save her. Each cry left unanswered. Loree Lee decided to ignore her conscience see, believed that he saw something more that meets the eye. A deeper soul she tried to find. Instead Ms. Loree Lee had found, her life cut short. Buried in the ground.

Wake Up Great

I woke up feeling great today



Much differently than yesterday




I cant quite seem to figure out


What this feelings all about




I went to sleep so filled with hatred


Awoke with joy. These smiles painted




No melancholy mood to stress me


No worried thoughts tried to depress me.




Did I succeed and clear my head


With just a few hours spent in bed?




Did my nightmare, or so it’d seem


Disguise itself as just a dream?





Either way, I could never attest


To a day so content from a little more rest




I just might have to cut my night short


And spend it alone in a comfy resort





In hopes that tomorrows as good as today


In fact, should be better since I’ve been here all day

Familiar Stranger

Another day, another year
My life stands still more apt to fear
This merry-go-round of draining emotion
has no signs of an end, no relief or devotion
My worries build up, my brain starts to ache
Im edgy, uneasy. There isn't much more I can take
Why do I demolish my hopes of achieving?
Why beat myself up? Leave no room for believing
These dreams and these goals were supposed to live up to
The drive to succeed. We have it. We all do.
But what if one day you wake up and realize
A stranger within has been looking through your eyes
They walk like we do and they talk just the same
We dont even know how long its been since they came
They act as chameleons, taking on any shape or form
Provide a feeling of comfort  and shelter from the storm
They pick up the slack when it grows such a burden
We shove hatred their way thinking that it wont hurt them
When in trouble we've caused, they're an excellent scapegoat
They save us from drowning and teach us to float
But what if this stranger, this person we trust
Couldn't handle the pressure, found it hard and unjust
Couldn't stand to just sit there and watch through your eyes
See you hide behind fear, hear you over analyze
They are done with excuses and done with self pity
You've done nothing but use them to escape reality
So they're gone with no warning, no intention to return
In hopes of believing that one day you'll learn
You grow weary and helpless. Your patience runs thin

But remember you, yourself is the stranger. Your dependent within

Breath Easy

Questioning motives you look past his desperation



He is the antidote that cures your fascination






Waiting with watchful eyes you pass a forceful gesture


A touch that will tantalize your body you have rendured














He melts your iced cold heart


Breath easy now






Completes what you couldn’t start


Breath easy now














He numbs all the pain you’ve felt that’s left you so disabled


His voice calms your racing thoughts returns shaking nerves to stable






He makes you feel beautiful despite your harsh perception


A promise he will fulfill to not lead you to deception










He finds the missing piece


Breath easy now






With him you are now complete


Breath easy now

Inside Out

"Inside Out"







[verse one]


Reaching out to find there's nothing there to keep you on the ground


The darkness leaves you blind, you've just lost sight of what cannot be found






You wonder how it got this way


In fact it may. . . just be what you've become


Not knowing where you once came from






[chorus]


I'm turned inside out


The love that filled my soul


is now hollowed out






You lost me in the crowd


with no hand to hold


I turn inside out






[verse two]


Repeating steps I take keeps leading me back to where I started


The choices that I make seem wrong and leave me broken hearted






You wonder how it got this bad


Just if you had. . . one chance to press rewind


to start again yourself you'd find






[chorus]


I'm turned inside out


The love that filled my soul


is now hollowed out






You lost me in the crowd


with no hand to hold


I turn inside out






[final verse]


I can't seem to figure out


why i am turning inside out


My feelings I have tried to hide


Are showing on the outside






I'm turned inside out


No hand to hold


I am inside out