Finding Failure to Catch Closure

I thought I had it all. I thought my life had fallen into such perfection that'd it would be literally impossible to think otherwise. I realized its not the friends you have or the boyfriend you're with that create a happy life. Though, added perks such as a good job or living on your own can pertain to the feeling of happiness, it isn't the reason for it. For a moment in my life I thought that it did. I had the boyfriend. The amazing friends, one in which I shared the independent attribute of living on my own with and a good, stable job.

As time progressed, I started overthinking my amazing life. Feelings of doubt and regret seemed to have crept inside my head and set up camp. Through extensive partying and experimenting with different substances, my world flipped upside down. Unable to recognize the important aspects my life consisted of, I discovered ways to self destruct. In a matter of months, I had managed to poison all that was once good. Lost trust and a shattered hearts were left after the dust had settled. I was at an altime low. My once stable life crashed into such instability making it impossible to see how great it once had been. Or was it even that great to begin with?

Was I as happy as I claimed to be? Or did I discover truths hidden in each lie. I had reached the bottom of a very full life. Barely running on empty far enough to make it through each passing day. Unread texts, missed calls, unheard voicemails and non responsive emails made the world seem so quite. Isolation will do that. Who knew that being alone would be the answer I needed to my well thought out question I kept asking myself over and over again. Who knew finding failure allowed you to catch closure.

In order for me to face reality, I needed to look misery directly in the eye and understand what it was that brought me there. I realize now that it isn't the friends you have or the boyfriend your with that make you who you are. In order to relate a loved one to play a part in your happiness, you need to find comfortability in yourself and accept who you are as an individual. Each obsticle you encounter shouldn't counteract your ability to understand and resolve each one you come across. Through fear of self acceptance, you put on an act to fit in. One in which to become likeable. Your deception upon perception. Doing so can cause you to be unable to recongnize who you are in the inside, the person you aspire to be for yourself and no one else. Your to use god's given talents upon ability to create success and contentment. In order to believe in yourself, you must believe in failure. Believe that when you set aside everyone else, it makes it easier to point out closure. You just need the courage to do so. In my situation, I unknowingly set aside those attributes. Rather pushed them away but in doing so, it made me realize who I am, who I aim to be and who I wish to become.