. . . .

He was right there the whole time. As if hidden underneath each well sought after hopeful. Sifting through one after the other after another. Imagining perfect tranquiltiy only to find complete and utter failure in each attempt I had made to find love.What was seen as true love only disguised itself as lying lust. Comfortability eased it's way into each relationship. The butterflies that fluttered about inside my stomach seemed to have found themselves sitting comfortably, without movement. I wanted to believe each relationship had the means in which to create a future. Telling myself I was comfortable enough to cope with the fact that these butterflies that once ran rapid throughout my stomach, creating a feeling so effervescent, so vivacious. A feeling I had  felt once upon a time, had now seized to exist, only believed true in fairytales. I made up excuses that I now recognize as a fear of being alone. Therefore, I hold myself accountable for any anguish or heartache I experienced. I was the cause of this affliction. I started to believe that there must be something wrong with me. I tried bringing to order the disarray of thoughts that cluttered my head. Trying to eradicate each flaw I posessed in hopes to succeed in a healthy relationship. Belittling myself down so low that true love seemed out of reach, making it impossible to see over the obsticles that had been placed before me. It seemed impossible to find my way out of this labrynth.

It took a great amount of time to emphasize the fact that yeah, I'm not perfect. I may act as though I'm this lovestruck teenager who's let her emotions take over, causing normal behavioral instinct to become unconventional and irrational. But who hasn't interpreted this behavior at least once in their life? This was my rude awakening. As if in a comma this whole time, unconscience to reality. Awakened from a reprehensibly bad year to find the day was January 1st, 2010. The day I realized the counterpart to my heart and soul was here all along.

Have you ever felt an attraction to someone so peculiar and eccentric that it causes you to become completely oblivious to it's meaning? Though, you've had nowhere near the amount of time spent with that person as you have with past boyfriends/girlfriends, you feel as though you can say anything knowing it's safe and secured in their mind and that they will sustain that information for as long as you wish it to be discoursed. Being able to reveal an opinion or inclination about an issue without the fear of being judged.  Recieving recognition for your abilities that, for the most part had been overlooked by most. A feeling as though you administer the same compassionate qualities. Having experienced similar hardships and persecution with relation to family, friends and the overall perception of today's society that we live in. One who shows a deeper compassion for those they care about just as you do. .I found just that in a guy who I had known for years, only to discover I had no idea who he was on the inside. From just an eccentric attraction felt only upon appearance, I discovered that love isn't hard to find, it is just hard to recognize. So look beyond an exterior. You'll find there's more that catches your eye.

Heart for a Heart

A light illuminates this darkened place that I have made my home

It casts away the haunting shadows refusing to leave me alone

A fire lit inside my soul to melt the frozen ice

That seemed to spread throughout my veins. A warming sacrifice

A calming voice that whispers the encouragement to conquor fear

A helping hand to guide me closer to a future made unclear

A shield held high above my head to block the pain thats aimed at me

A haven safe, away from harm provides me with security

A sleeve thats always there to catch and whipe each tear thats fallen

Both arms held open wide provide a shoulder in which to cry on

Of all the things you've given me, the most important stands apart

Through trust, equality, embracing intolerably

You've given me your heart ♥